Why am I here God?
Why am I here?
What is my purpose?
I’m drifting God
I no longer feel
the earth between my toes
Something is calling
Is it a mirror
Or is it You?
Time is trickling
As I fumble, I try
to force the story through
Will You come for me
Or do I need to seek You?
Are You already here?
If I stop I can feel
You’re presence is like air
Everywhere I am
I just need to stop
Listen & feel
I feel you
Why am I here?
Still unsure
Why I am here?
I guess I will fumble
Until I find the ground again
Maybe then I can answer the call
Tag: Gratitude
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Cuddle monkey where are you?
Did you move away?
Have you run away from me?
I can’t find you in the duvet
Oh what’s that?!
A little foot!
Why’s that by my face?
You’ve turned 180
And taken all the space
Stop your wriggling
That’s a kick
Sleeping with you hurts
Oh! Are you serious?!
The air smells like farts
Cuddle monkey just for once
Can we sleep normal?!
Bleugh! I guess not
You’re snoring like Old Colonel
Oh well, I guess I must
Be happy with whatever
I love you even with your stink
I’ll cherish you forever. -
Stillness of the night
Welcome! Come join me
I’m sitting enjoying the silence
I’ve had a long day
A few moments I lost it
Come sit. I value your patience
Let’s talk about woes
Ideas and theology
Have you seen Martha’s new kitten?
Take a deep breathe
Chat philosophy
I’ve seen Toby’s quite smitten
I’ve enjoyed tonight
Thank you again
For joining in this moment
See you soon
Let’s meet at the moon
Don’t forget to bring your helmet -
Be careful what you teach her
Her view must match your words
Repeating blatant lies will sink
Like a breeze block into the lake
She’ll watch it drag you under
As the bubbles start to rise
The truth taken with you
You’d rather bask in disguise
What am I afraid of?
You. That you will hurt her heart
That she will see your weakness
And you will tear her apart
Your shadow stood before me
As it stands above her now
And you pretend you’re Jesus
Rather heal strangers than take a bow
It’s ok to not know everything
It’s ok to learn as we go
But we need to live our truth
So we can teach her to do so
I don’t want to fight with you
I left to soothe my scars
I won’t let you mould her
To build a mountain of masks
I learnt to let my light shine
I see her light glow
Let’s help her find her wings
Let’s watch our little girl grow -
Lying in the darkness
In pain and alone
Out jumps a message
Four words I’d forgotten
A wave takes over
A dread settles in
I thought this was over
I’ll not let you win
I’ve got over this darkness
I’m out the other side
I’m standing by a rainbow
Regained my pride
And yet maybe a little
I’m not quite there
How many more years
Will I suffer in here
My mind in a battle
My heart slightly torn
The stitches keep opening
Just smile and carry on
Fake it til you make it
Re-frame the hurt
You’re a powerful soul
And beauty you exert
Breathe and smile
Give yourself a hug
You’re doing great
Love’s the hardest drug -
Little stolen moments of peace
One would think they would be enjoyed
But alas there follows a little caterpillar
Named Master P Guilt O’Lloyd
He crawls behind me of a day
And pipes up when things go quiet
He reminds me of where I am
And how I want to be in the riot
Or beside my freshly laid child
Snoozing side by side again
Not grasping at my me time
He thinks my job is not yet done
He creeps on my shoulder when I’m staring
Out the window to block out the noise
Of that constant chitter chatter
And the sound of those blinkin toys
Yet I know he’s right and in I go
Back into the madness
Those three seconds were enough
I’ll look back with fondness
When she’s grown and flown the nest
When her room lies empty
I’ll pray for those moments back
When I was hiding in the pantry -
How lucky we are to be loved
By a mother who has such strength
She watches us destroy her body
Yet still bears fruit for our fists to clench
She brings the water to our mouths
And doesn’t flinch when we spit
We kill all her children
Yet she holds our fire delicately lit
How she encourages us to grow
Leading by example
Displaying her grace
As we continue to trample
Her guidance ignored
As our greedy hands grow
Mother will soon punish us
Do you want it to be so? -
The rain patters on the window pane
While the dog snores at my feet
My head a little fuzzy from the gin
The whirlwind of yesterday behind me
Have I escaped alive and unscathed?
Do I live to see another day?
A lesson learnt, amendments were made
And in my heart I did the right thing
The rain patters on the window pane
The wind whirls at the trees
As I sit cosy with coffee in hand
I imagine going for a stroll
The wind on my cheeks
The birds in my ears
The mud squelching under my boots
The cold gloving my hands
The water guiding my path
The freedom to go wherever I choose
The rain patters on the window pane
I’ve already been for a walk
I’ll sit here for a moment taking life in
Grateful for this moment, serene within. -
What would I do if you left me now?
How would I feel all alone?
Riddled with guilt not knowing your side
Perfection is far from this home
My days would be spent wet and distraught
Eleven years gone with speed
When I compare others frolicking in forests ahead
And you following my lead
Slave to my routine I do not think twice
Yet saviour came in a child
For company for you
Now I have two
Beings chained dragging behind
I wish I could stop
And be more aware
It catches me when you’re weak
How wonderful you are
And blind I am
That you could be gone in a blink.
This pattern I have I wish it could stop
I wish I could slow right down
I wish I could take myself out of this robot
And play with you both on the ground
I’m working on it, my journey is long
I don’t know how I got so lost
My mind corrupt by germs and dirt
My heart glazed with frost
Yet there is no being I love more on earth
Than you my loyal baby
Since 12 weeks old you’re by my side
And perfect in every way
I love the way you smell of cheese
And chomp at our visitors
I love the expressions on your face
And how you both act like sisters
I do not deserve such a beauty like you
My guilt grows every day
The fear that looms like vulture
As I watch more hairs turn grey
Thank you for the reminder
I’m sorry I am
I wish I was a better person
I’m working on it
Really I really am
To be more in the present. -
Muddy landscape
Shades of brown
Rain tapping above me
Fire lit
Coffee held
Cozy Winter morning.
Sin Agua Poetry Blog 