He closes his eyes, and there is darkness
The world stops and he can breathe once again,
He turns within and reaches out
To the hand that holds him
So gently yet firm guides his swim
He trusts her, so waves his limbs
Looking back she’s getting further away
Her smile, his security
The confidence he has to win
He let go, now he’s free
His mother watches him leave
Abandoned by design
She wipes a tear on to her sleeve
The smile still prevalent
Her heart in a race
Her offspring fully fledged
She can no longer see his face
Alone with the feathers
A simple memory for one
Her love undeniable
Nests indentation of an empty son
Long she forgot who she was
A mother seems all she knows
Her independence simply subjective
To the outside that come and goes
Passing like the daily sun
Clockwork they cast their shadow
Throwing in their pennies
Judging the falling sparrow
Category: Parenthood
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Cuddle monkey where are you?
Did you move away?
Have you run away from me?
I can’t find you in the duvet
Oh what’s that?!
A little foot!
Why’s that by my face?
You’ve turned 180
And taken all the space
Stop your wriggling
That’s a kick
Sleeping with you hurts
Oh! Are you serious?!
The air smells like farts
Cuddle monkey just for once
Can we sleep normal?!
Bleugh! I guess not
You’re snoring like Old Colonel
Oh well, I guess I must
Be happy with whatever
I love you even with your stink
I’ll cherish you forever. -
Be careful what you teach her
Her view must match your words
Repeating blatant lies will sink
Like a breeze block into the lake
She’ll watch it drag you under
As the bubbles start to rise
The truth taken with you
You’d rather bask in disguise
What am I afraid of?
You. That you will hurt her heart
That she will see your weakness
And you will tear her apart
Your shadow stood before me
As it stands above her now
And you pretend you’re Jesus
Rather heal strangers than take a bow
It’s ok to not know everything
It’s ok to learn as we go
But we need to live our truth
So we can teach her to do so
I don’t want to fight with you
I left to soothe my scars
I won’t let you mould her
To build a mountain of masks
I learnt to let my light shine
I see her light glow
Let’s help her find her wings
Let’s watch our little girl grow -
Little stolen moments of peace
One would think they would be enjoyed
But alas there follows a little caterpillar
Named Master P Guilt O’Lloyd
He crawls behind me of a day
And pipes up when things go quiet
He reminds me of where I am
And how I want to be in the riot
Or beside my freshly laid child
Snoozing side by side again
Not grasping at my me time
He thinks my job is not yet done
He creeps on my shoulder when I’m staring
Out the window to block out the noise
Of that constant chitter chatter
And the sound of those blinkin toys
Yet I know he’s right and in I go
Back into the madness
Those three seconds were enough
I’ll look back with fondness
When she’s grown and flown the nest
When her room lies empty
I’ll pray for those moments back
When I was hiding in the pantry -
Oh little feet how do you pitter patter
Along the wooden floor
Gathering all the dog hair, fluff
and god knows what more
No matter how much I hoover
There’s always more beneath
Your tiny little sausage toes
And squidgy little feet -
The swallow came and rest upon the gravestone
It closed its eyes and felt the captain there
An old friend looking out over the landscape
Smoking his pipe and perfuming the air
It missed the warmth it felt seeing the ship at sea
It wondered if the captain would ever sail again
Or would he be a swallow too or even a shark
An eternity on land, a hell it could not construe
Why did they put you in the ground?
Surely you were better suited at sea?
How did they not know your wishes?
Your daughter cries aimlessly
For hours she sits beside you and waffles
On about abandonment and grief
Her mother never loved and what happened
Was a child growing up with no relief
She never understood why you left them
Her mother never told her the truth
So in death she doth grab you and hold you close
Making up for the time absent in her life
She tells tales of watching the waves roar
Sunsets while flights of swallows dance
Meandering the rocks and the cliff edge
Hoping to see a fair captain in the distance
I watched her grow on the pebbles
Feeling her way across the shore
Launching her message in a bottle
And now kneeling beside you on the floor
The swallow fluttered above the gravestone
Bid adieu to his land bound friend
Until next time Captain he signaled
And back to the sea it flew -
Did I know when she was born
The impact she would make?
Could I even quantify the light
The love that radiates beyond
Walls & miles
Linking two beings out of sight?
In her shadow a memory
Those innocent eyes
The warmth of her tiny hand
The moments lost and wasted
The guilt of time that could
Have been better planned
Yet all is not lost
It is simply a break
My princess is not gone forever
When she returns I hope
To be more organised
So we can enjoy this life
As we planned together
To meander the waters
Writing our tales
Exploring pastures new
And settle we will when we find
Our house upon the hill.
(02/01/2023)
Sin Agua Poetry Blog 