Alone wilting wonder
Clouds mask the sky
Foraging for crumbs
Left by the eye
Sacrificing so much
For someone so cold
So close to the edge
Without much to hold
Ideals aren’t a promise
Wishes don’t come true
Without solid plans
Emptiness seeps through
The loss for the future
Has started to creep
The aching is beyond joy
The pain runs deep
Category: Guilt
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Bad Luck comes in 3’s
They weren’t half wrong
A baby, a husband and a future
In the blink of an eye all gone
What did I do?
What don’t I understand?
Why can’t I see
How awful I am?
I’ve been called
All the names under the sun
I’ve been abandoned
At my weakest point
Yet in silence I stay
Smiling with everyone
Shutting down
I get weaker
Reaching out
It gets darker
Is this the love
That we’re looking for?
What did I do?
What don’t I understand?
Why can’t I see
How awful I am?
What did I do?
What don’t I understand?
… I must be so awful
Why can’t I see
How awful I am?… -
I’m struggling today my love
I’m struggling with grief
Somehow the future slipped from us
Was it something we did?
An April fools trick?
Or is this a test from beyond us?
It seems really silly
To be this upset
But something has changed within me
A switch has been flicked
Time has ticked
And now somehow I feel empty
I know deep down it’s for the best
We weren’t quite ready
And now we can plan a bit better
Not carried by the storm
All fuzzy and warm
We can prepare, go slow and steady
I hope you’re ok
And not feeling too strange
With this brief whirlwind we got caught in
I’ll finish my letter
Catch ya later patata
Sending kisses a million
x x x -
The warrior stands there panting
Bodies sprawled in blood
Was this battle worth it
Was it worth it for this mud
She looks across the horizon
Her heart filled with pain
She brings her eyes in closer
To see a child with bloodied veins
Palms turned over, she’s shaking
She crumbles to her knees
Let’s out a mighty howl
The sound echoes through the trees
The tone of pure despair
From her deepest corners
A memory from her childhood
Glazes her eyes for a moment
She remembers playing in these fields
Laughing, joking, running
Now her eyes turn to her friend
Who is no longer breathing
She inhales deep, gathers herself
Her energy has shifted
Back to what she came to do
For this she will be gifted
The last battle done, she can retire
She longs for the tranquil ocean
Sitting on a quiet beach
Watching the waves in motion
She turns away and grabs the flag
Walks towards her horse that waits
They both have done enough today
And they leave the city gates. -
She watched the little donkey
Looking at the egg
He didn’t understand how to boil it
She gave him the pan
And a simple plan
But the donkey just couldn’t relay it
With a roll of her eyes
She offered to help
As dozens of eggs had been broken
With his clumsy hooves
She wanted to prove
His appendages weren’t the problem
The issue was the story he told himself
The useless victim ass
Repeating old stories
It got very boring
She thought he’d never pass the class
Children came and went
But the little donkey stayed put
Focused on this oval mystery
How can something hard
Be runny inside
His brain delved into history
“Which came first the chicken or the egg?“
She looked at him in dispair
“We’re just boiling an egg!
For the love of a Greggs!
Can you get your head in gear?“
The donkey bowed his head
A tear hit the floor
She really did feel awful
Maybe she didn’t have the patience
To teach this delinquent
The tears started to pour
She left the room
Left the donkey inside
And went into the garden
Breathed the fresh air
As a fly went past her hair
Suddenly she noticed her face had hardened
She wondered how long she had been frowning like that
Forehead furrowed and stern
She closed her eyes
Let out a huge sigh
Ready with her self back in alignment
She packed all her tools
Walked out of the school
And let someone else deal with that donkeys assigment. -
There was a man who lived on the sea
Who had a dying wife
Each day he would serenade her
And warm her heart each night
She got sicker and sicker
But little did he know
Since the smile that shone out of her
Dazzled the darkest boats
So the man went to the port
And met a young lady
They had their way on the beach
While the wife lay in pain
The man returned and told his wife
He felt confused by his actions
But the wife simply passed away
Her soul abandoned her in seconds
Looking down she watched them
No longer who they were
Saddened by this tragedy
Both beyond repair
She looked across the bed frame
And up towards the night
There was his soul opposite
His eyes blue like the sky
No words came out of their mouths
But so much was shared
Without their bodies
Only love was heard
It filled the sky like an explosion
It warmed the earth for days
They wondered as they floated back
Could they survive this phase
They slowly returned to atoms
Into denseness they were cramped
She opened her eyes as he held her hand
And for life they did thank. -
I’m still learning to unlearn
My hearts too full
I feel a burn
I wander between extremes of sorts
Belonging and abandonment
Torn between the pull and fall
The heart that contemplates it all
The woman that has seen the world
For the man who completes the mould
It’s hard to understand the pain
That doesn’t exist
Is this all in vain?
She closes her eyes and sees his heart
Lovingly torn apart
She knows not what to do
She knows her eyes long for you
The juxtaposed ideas wane
The tears subside and begin to drain
The sun returns and casts her glare
The love warms they return to share
The inner child they promised to hold
The love they defrost from the cold
I do not know where it goes
I fear for the love I show
If it’s too much I guess I lose
For honesty is all I chose
Poetry be my hidden centre
Brave begins this lyrical banter
Shakespeare gave Juliet her centre
A muse to devote her complicated heart
Her loving words, her form of art -
Be careful what you teach her
Her view must match your words
Repeating blatant lies will sink
Like a breeze block into the lake
She’ll watch it drag you under
As the bubbles start to rise
The truth taken with you
You’d rather bask in disguise
What am I afraid of?
You. That you will hurt her heart
That she will see your weakness
And you will tear her apart
Your shadow stood before me
As it stands above her now
And you pretend you’re Jesus
Rather heal strangers than take a bow
It’s ok to not know everything
It’s ok to learn as we go
But we need to live our truth
So we can teach her to do so
I don’t want to fight with you
I left to soothe my scars
I won’t let you mould her
To build a mountain of masks
I learnt to let my light shine
I see her light glow
Let’s help her find her wings
Let’s watch our little girl grow -
Little stolen moments of peace
One would think they would be enjoyed
But alas there follows a little caterpillar
Named Master P Guilt O’Lloyd
He crawls behind me of a day
And pipes up when things go quiet
He reminds me of where I am
And how I want to be in the riot
Or beside my freshly laid child
Snoozing side by side again
Not grasping at my me time
He thinks my job is not yet done
He creeps on my shoulder when I’m staring
Out the window to block out the noise
Of that constant chitter chatter
And the sound of those blinkin toys
Yet I know he’s right and in I go
Back into the madness
Those three seconds were enough
I’ll look back with fondness
When she’s grown and flown the nest
When her room lies empty
I’ll pray for those moments back
When I was hiding in the pantry -
What would I do if you left me now?
How would I feel all alone?
Riddled with guilt not knowing your side
Perfection is far from this home
My days would be spent wet and distraught
Eleven years gone with speed
When I compare others frolicking in forests ahead
And you following my lead
Slave to my routine I do not think twice
Yet saviour came in a child
For company for you
Now I have two
Beings chained dragging behind
I wish I could stop
And be more aware
It catches me when you’re weak
How wonderful you are
And blind I am
That you could be gone in a blink.
This pattern I have I wish it could stop
I wish I could slow right down
I wish I could take myself out of this robot
And play with you both on the ground
I’m working on it, my journey is long
I don’t know how I got so lost
My mind corrupt by germs and dirt
My heart glazed with frost
Yet there is no being I love more on earth
Than you my loyal baby
Since 12 weeks old you’re by my side
And perfect in every way
I love the way you smell of cheese
And chomp at our visitors
I love the expressions on your face
And how you both act like sisters
I do not deserve such a beauty like you
My guilt grows every day
The fear that looms like vulture
As I watch more hairs turn grey
Thank you for the reminder
I’m sorry I am
I wish I was a better person
I’m working on it
Really I really am
To be more in the present.
Sin Agua Poetry Blog 